The Uncle Frank Show

Establishing shot of a double-wide trailer just as a 20+ year old mid-size beater pulls up and parks.

Cut to the inside of the trailer where we see Uncle Frank and his dog Cheese laying on the couch. Uncle Frank is drinking a beer and watching TV. His wife, Bibsy, walks in carrying as many bags of groceries as she can. Uncle Frank greets her with a friendly “hey” but doesn’t offer to help. Nor does he offer to help on her second trip to grab the remainder of the haul. Instead he pipes up, asking “what’s for dinner?” but her only answer is an annoyed grunt as she makes her way into the kitchen where she puts the last of the bags down on the counter.

Bibsy simultaneously begins to cook and put away the groceries. This makes a little noise and Uncle Frank turns up the volume on the TV to compensate. Then he shouts, asking for a fresh beer which she begrudgingly brings him. He hits her with a “thanks babe” but again her only response is a dismayed grunt.

Back in the kitchen Bibsy continues to make a lot of noise with the cooking and the cabinets and whatnot. We get the sense it’s purposeful and much louder than it needs to be. Turning the TV up even louder, Uncle Frank asks her if she can keep it down. She lets out yet another exasperated grunt.

Then shit. Uncle Frank accidentally spills his beer and asks Bibsy to bring him another. Without looking up she curtly lets him know that he just spilled the last one. Confused, he asks her, “but weren’t you just at the store?” followed with a “tell ya what, why don’t you just fix me a rum and Coke.”

That’s it. Bibsy’s had more than enough. She brings him a rum and Coke. Without looking away from the TV, he reaches up to take it out of her hand with another “thanks babe” but instead she pours the drink over his head.

Cut to the family-room of a middle-class suburban home. Larry is on the couch reading a book when the doorbell rings. Getting up from the couch with a “just a second,” Larry heads to the door. And upon opening it, he sees Uncle Frank standing there with all his stuff, Cheese included. Larry gives an excited “Oh hey Uncle Frank!” to which Uncle Frank responds with a less excited, “I think I may need to stay here for just a little if that’s okay.”

ACT I
Larry takes Uncle Frank and Cheese down to the unfinished basement. Washer, dryer, futon, plenty of large cardboard boxes overflowing with junk, you know the one. Uncle Frank begins unpacking. Dog bed here, posters here and there and finally his old TV which begins to spark and smoke the second it’s plugged in. One of the sparks lands on a curtain catching it on fire. No bueno. As the fire quickly spreads they hightail it out of there.

Cut to Uncle Frank and Cheese watching from outside as billows of dark smoke pour from the basement windows. Suddenly it’s a big scene as firetrucks come roaring up and neighbors and passers-by gather: Tristan, Pedro, Amy – even the Amazon Driver.

Just as the firefighters are containing the blaze, an old-school Caddy comes rolling up. Shamiqua gets out. She starts talking to everyone and no one in particular. “Oh lawdy, uh-uh, what in Jesus’ name happened here?” She then directs her full attention to you know who. “You got something to do with this Uncle Frank?” Right then, Larry walks up and gives a “Oh hey mom” to Shamiqua who replies with a, “Oh hey honey child.”

ACT II
Establishing shot of everyone’s favorite dive bowling alley – The Gutter Ball.

Cut to the inside. Uncle Frank and Larry saddle up to the bar where regulars Stash and Stryker are day drinking, duh. Without even being asked, Cinnamon serves them drinks. A beer for Uncle Frank and a soda for Larry. With Uncle Frank and Larry clearly unhappy, Stash asks what’s wrong. Uncle Frank proceeds to tell them about losing his beloved TV in the fire. Right then, as if on cue, an ad comes on one of the overhead TVs. One of the big electronics stores is having a sale. So yeah. Problem solved!

Cut to Uncle Frank’s van parked in front of a big box electronics store – in a handicap spot, per usual.

Inside, Uncle Frank and Larry are eying a 4K TV. But Uncle Frank settles on a 3K (KKK) TV instead. Sure it’s a lot more racist than the 4K TV, but hey, it’s also a lot less expensive.

Back at Larry’s house he and Uncle Frank are lugging in TV, all packed up in its box. Shamiqua is mad (but forgiving) and agrees to let Uncle Frank stay for a few days, just as long as there’s no more buffoonery.

Cut to Uncle Frank and Larry back in the basement setting up TV. Shamiqua comes down with some snacks. Uncle Frank turns on TV, and as she turns to leave, TV says some horribly offensive shit. That’s it! She wants Uncle Frank and TV out. NOW!

ACT III
Open on Larry and Pedro playing in the park when Larry tells his friend he needs to use the bathroom. Larry heads over to the porta-potty and when he opens the door he’s surprised to find Uncle Frank inside. They get to talking. Uncle Frank is desperate and wants Shamiqua to give him another shot. Larry agrees she should.

Uncle Frank and Larry are back at the house. They’re in the family room with Shamiqua, begging her to give Uncle Frank just one more chance. Reluctantly Shamiqua agrees. On one condition. To prove he’s responsible, Uncle Frank needs to hold down a job. Plus zero porn, drugs or any kind of debauchery. Extremely confident he can do it, Uncle Frank ecstatically takes the deal.

Cut to a montage of Uncle Frank fucking up and getting fired from all sorts of jobs. Everything from fry cook to heart surgeon. A no-nonsense woman of her word, Shamiqua demands Uncle Frank leave.

Back living in his van, things look bleak for Uncle Frank. Real bleak. Down on his luck, he turns to his salvation…The Smut Hut – the local adult video store. And as luck would have it, they’re looking for a new overnight manager. So what do you know. Uncle Frank walks out with more than just a new stash of porn, he walks out with a new job.

On his first night on the job, he gets a visit from a frequent customer. Surprise! It’s Shamiqua. She’s distraught. If the church finds out about her filthy habits, she’ll lose everything! But not to worry, Uncle Frank agrees to keep her secret safe if she lets him move back into the basement, just until he can get back on his feet. But something tells us he’s not going anywhere any time soon. But hey. All good. After all, Uncle Frank, Larry and Shamiqua make for America’s nicest family unit since the Cleavers.